Craziest Family
by BrightWings111
Summary: When two couples move into Las Noches with a family tie between them, their new family settles in to life, just the four of them. With one of them running some pretty strange parties, a chef, an ex espada, and a girl with multiple personalities this family is far from normal. But there are those who would do anything to make sure that they're far from happy AU crack possible lemons
1. The Good Life

**A/N: Okay, so here it is! The big finale! Well, huge finale. There really isn't a final part. It doesn't end! So, if you're new to this story, I'm not gonna go make you read the first two, so a quick cap up. Renna (OC, Kira's sister) Fell in love with Grimmjow during a weird loyalty test and was put in the Maggot's nest because Yamamoto thought that made her dangerous. So. Kisuke, her former Captain and ex-boyfriend, busted her out to the world of the living where her current captain (Kyouraku) and her brother came to warn her of a group being sent to kill her. To save her own life, Renna agrees to be a spy on Aizen. Aizen realizes this and uses her phone, which somehow they had swapped, to make Grimmjow hate her. She got all pissed after Aizen literally drove Yamamoto insane and went on a killing spree in Las Noches, killing everyone except Aizen and Grimmjow. Then she met Kaede, the Devil, and they executed Aizen on Sokyoku hill and recalled the agreement that said that Kaede was Head Captain if anything happened to Yamamoto. So, because Kaede didn't want to do all the work, she appointed Renna as co-head captain. Then Renna, Kaede, Izuru, and Grimmjow all moved in to a newly built Las Noches as their base of operations, just the four of them. And that's where we are. Oh, and along the way, Renna collected extreme hate for Tosen, Nnoitora, Aizen, and Gin. Gin for betraying Soul Society when she had a crush on him, Aizen for being Aizen, and Nnoitora and Tosen because they were extreme perverts to her. **

**Now that that's over with, a few more details about this in particular.**

**Though this is rated M, there will not be many lemons. Lot's of implications, but very few, if any, actual lemons. SO! If you see a POOF! in the story somewhere, by itself in its own paragraph, that means a lemon. The context will tell you the circumstances, who, etc.**

**If you don't like crack, extreme AU, impossible stuff happening, very few cases of extreme OOC-ness, or extreme randomness, leave this story now. Good day. Although, if it's the crack or AU parts, stick around for a while. You may find you actually like it. I'm not fond of crack or AU in most stories, but the cracky things and AU things are put in normally and there is a lot of fighting and injuries and mental breakdowns **

**And yes, you did see correctly. This story is Humor/HORROR. Yes, horror. You'll see why soon. Well, not soon, but yeah. It takes place later. But it is a big part, so, horror.**

**And Szayel is a main character. ...for now.**

**POV titles: I'm going to keep them, but I won't make a list anymore. Because we keep making new characters important, the list keeps growing. So, it'll tell you which character it is and what the word means. Okey dokey? Good.**

**Chapters are named after songs. The A/N at the end will tell you who the song is by. This gets extremely hard.**

**Each chapter also has a date. This is not the date I wrote the chapter (You'd kill me if you knew how long this has been done for but not posted), but it's the date that the chapter takes place in the story. And Year # is the year it is. Like this chapter is Nov 16 Year 1. It's the first year of the story, and takes place on Nov 16. The chapters do not take place on consecutive days. Some do, some have months different, some are on the same day. Just the way it is.**

**Oh, and um, I think I'll tell you this now instead of when Renna says it herself, she's D.I.D. Multiple Personalities. That would explain the kinkiness in this chapter.**

**Extremely long author's note DONE!**

-Chapter 1-

_~{ The Good Life }~_

**Ai (Renna)**

Nov 16, Year 1

White. Still. Why the hell didn't anyone paint?! I'm still in bed. I'm too tired to get up. I probably should, though.

I look across the room to Kaede's bed. All four of us sleep in the same room because I will _never_ let Izuru sleep alone with the Devil.

"Kaede?" I ask groggily. "Where are Izuru and Grimmjow?"

"Making breakfast," she replies.

"Grimmjow cooks?" I ask. I'm surprised at that. "I know Izuru cooks, but I never expected _Grimmjow_ to."

"Well he does!" she snaps.

"...grouchy..." I mumble.

"Wait a minute..." Kaede mutters. "Is that... It is! BACON!" Izuru and Grimmjow walk in, each carrying a frying pan full of bacon.

"BACON!" Kaede and I both scream, tackling our fiancés and stuffing our mouths full of bacon.

"Um... Renna?" Kaede asks. She's already back on her bed. How did she get back there so fast?

"Hm?" I turn to face her.

"...awkward~" she says in a sing-song voice. Now I finally realize why.

I'm on top of Grimmjow, straddling his hips. Why would this be awkward? "Awkward?" I giggle. "How so?" I place my lips gently on him.

"GET A ROOM!" Kaede yells.

"Two things," I say, standing up and moving to my own bed. "One, this is my room. Two, we'd have one if you left."

"Two things," Kaede mocks. "One, this is _our_ room. Two, _you are crazy_."

"Thank you!" I smile.

She rolls her eyes. "And there's a party today."

"What kind of party?" I ask curiously.

"All taichos and fukutaichos are coming over," she replies. "For a full week. No one leaves. And it seems that people will be arriving any minute." She pulls out a dart gun and shoots one at me.

"What's this?" I ask as it sinks into my leg.

"Alcohol," she grins. "Matsumoto told me that you don't drink. So, I took it upon myself to get you drunk off your ass." She fires three more darts at me.

Oh shit.

**A/N: There ya go. Short, yes, but there are going to be a lot so that makes up for it hopefully!**

**Song: The Good Life**

**Artist: Three Days Grace**

**And now that you know the chapter title, I'm going to let out my feelings about that. Three Days Grace's main songwriter/rhythm guitarist/lead singer resigned what... three days ago? Right before I got tickets to see them, too. I'm sad **


	2. Last Friday Night

**A/N: I'm not dead, I swear. And I have reasons for not posting. Or typing. But I've been handwriting. The problem is: Winter. Whenever I'm at my father's house, I play WoW because I can only play it there. However, the computer room at my mother's house is in the "Sun Room"… aka the Freeze room. Literally. So I'll be typing/posting when it starts to get warmer here, but until then, expect little. Sorry… I don't feel like my fingers should be freezing off…**

-Chapter 2-

_~{ Last Friday Night }~_

**Ai (Renna)**

Nov 23, year 1

I wearily blink open my eyes. Damn, my head is killing me. _This_ is why I don't drink. And because I don't know what I'm doing.

I look across the room and see Grimmjow in Resurectión sleeping under Kaede's bed. Wait, then who's next to me in _my_ freakin bed? I kick whoever it is through the wall without looking at who it is. I don't care, I just want them _out of my bed_.

The noise of the crumbling wall wakes Kaede up. She looks over at my bed in shock.

"You just broke the wall…" she says. "And I think you killed Kyouraku too." I am going to kill her. Yeah yeah, she's immortal, but I WILL FIND A WAY! She got me drunk and I freakin SLEPT WITH MY CAPTAIN! I mean who _does_ that?! Okay, I guess I do when I'm drunk, but STILL! COME ON! IT'S HER FAULT!

I narrow my eyes at Kaede. "Get everyone who doesn't live here OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I yell, sitting up.

"_Our_ house," Kaede corrects me. "And it's already over. It's been a week." She smirks triumphantly. "I kept you drunk off your ass the whole week."

I give her a disbelieving look and pull my phone out of my pocket. There's no way it's been a week yet. I see the date on my phone… it _has_ been a week. No way!

I sigh and slip my phone back in my pocket. Damn her. Damn her to Hell! Er… Heaven. Hell is her summer home… yeah, Heaven.

"Oh, and the parties are annual," Kaede says. "Every year." I groan and fall back onto my bed. Someone save me from this Devil. Literally.

"…where's Izuru?" I ask, changing the subject.

"I think he's in the closet," Kaede replies. I sit straight up.

"Why the hell is he in a closet?!" I shriek.

"Don't ask me," Kaede shrugs. "Your brother is weird when he's drunk." I facepalm. I already know that. He _does_ hang out with Matsumoto all of the time; so yes, I am well aware that he is very weird when drunk. Hence why _I_ don't drink. Speaking of…

"I'm gonna go make sure Taicho's alive now," I mutter, picking my way carefully through the large hole in the wall. I walk up to Kyouraku, who's unconscious in a pile of rubble. I sigh, "Knocked him out. Joy." I slap him slightly across the face. "Oi, Taicho! Wake up!" His eyes blink open.

"Hi Renna-chan!" he says cheerfully. Is he still drunk or something?

"Taicho, you need to go back to Seireitei," I say.

"But I don't wanna!" he pouts. Yep. Definitely still drunk.

"Taicho, that's an order," I say. "I'm your superior now, remember?"

"I guess…" he trails off. "Okay then! Bye Renna-chan~!" He opens a Senkaimon and skips through it.

"…that was odd," Kaede says as I walk back into our room.

"No, _that_ is why you don't give Kyouraku-taicho too much sake," I correct her. "He's usually fine with a moderate amount, but too much gets you _that_." She doesn't reply. Instead, she bursts out laughing at her iPhone.

"You have to see this!" she splutters. I walk over to her and peer over her shoulder to see her phone. I swear, my heart stops for a second.

**Shunsui Kyouraku has gone from "Single" to "In a relationship."**

I sigh. He's too crazy when he actually gets drunk. I pull out my phone and call him.

"Helloooo?" he says.

"Taicho," I say sternly.

"Renna-chan~" he replies.

"We are _not_ in a relationship."

"But, Renna-channn-"

"No buts," I say.

"Renna-chan, why do you have to be so meannn?" he whines.

"Is Ise-fukutaicho there?" I sigh.

"Yep~" Kyouraku says. "I'll put her on!"

"Renna?" Nanao asks. She sounds like he's driving her insane.

"Yeah," I reply. "Can you get him sobered up?"

"I've tried," she sighs. "He's really bad this time."

"He seems to think I'm his girlfriend," I say. "I'm _engaged_ already."

"That's not good," she sighs. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, Ise-fukutaicho," I say. "I've got to drag my brother out of a closet now." I hang up before she can ask questions. Ughh, I can't believe I have to deal with this _every year_.

**A/N: I forgot the disclaimer. I don't own Bleach or any other things that might be mentioned in the chapter other than those of my own creation. **

**Song: Last Friday Night**

**Artist: Katy Perry**


End file.
